[ 教育觀 ] 美國專家教你如何面對孩子的不良行為（正面教育論，非無限鼓勵）下篇

 自從上期分享了《美國專家教你如何面對孩子的不良行為》的上篇后，我相信很多家長通過前五條的技巧，了解了一部分美國專家Sumitha Bhandarkar如何規(guī)范孩子的不良行為，那么今天我們將繼續(xù)為大家?guī)硐缕瑯佑形鍡l技巧供大家參考。 
6Change the scene – prevent the misbehavior from being repeated改變環(huán)境–防止不良行為重復(fù) 

Prevention is better than cure. That phrase is cliched, for a reason. If you are dealing with recurrent misbehavior, look at what you can do to prevent it in the first place.與其補救于已然，不如防患于未然。這句老生常談的話，是有道理的。如果你正在處理不斷重復(fù)的不良行為時，首先看看你能做什么能夠阻止事情的發(fā)生。 
Then I read somewhere that some children do not handle transitions well. Coincidentally, my husband happened to just pick her out of bed one day and walk her around the house while she continued to snooze on his shoulders. When they went to the backyard, she snapped out of it and was excited to see the birdies and squirrels. And that day it was really easy to brush her teeth. It was completely unexpected, and suddenly it clicked in my mind – she was not really resisting the brushing of her teeth, but was “acting” out because the transition from sleep to a busy day was too overwhelming for her.我在某個地方了解到，一些小孩在過渡時期適應(yīng)能力差。非常巧合的是，一天早上我老公碰巧把女兒從床上抱起來，在房間里走動，以防她繼續(xù)在肩上繼續(xù)睡。當他們來到后院的時候，女兒看到鳥兒和松鼠特別興奮，于是從睡夢中清醒過來，以至于那天刷牙也變得容易多了，真是太出乎意料了。通過這件事情發(fā)現(xiàn)，女兒不是抗拒刷牙，而是故意裝出來的。因為從睡覺到忙碌一天的過渡對孩子來說太難了。 
7Set clear expectations and boundaries, and be consistent設(shè)定清晰的期望值和界限，并且保持一致 

Kids have a way with finding loopholes and pushing boundaries. Our first attempt to help our daughter make the transition from sleep to waking easier by relaxing the rule that you go straight from bed to the bathroom almost backfired. Once she got out of her sleepy grouchiness, she interpreted the relaxation of rules as an invitation to sneak in a little bit of play time before she had to go potty and brush her teeth.孩子們在發(fā)現(xiàn)規(guī)則的漏洞和消除界限上很有一套。面對這種情況，我們的初衷是通過放寬規(guī)則，來幫助女兒更容易地完成從睡眠到清醒的過渡，可是這樣往往適得其反，因為一旦擺脫了疲倦抱怨的狀態(tài)，她就會將放松的規(guī)則理解為在去廁所和刷牙前可以有時間偷偷去玩耍。 
We had to put our foot down and say (gently, but firmly) that at the start of the day you first freshen up, eat your breakfast and only then start playing. You could stop by to say good morning to the birdies before brushing your teeth as a special privilege, but any arguments about that, and you will just have to forego that privilege.我們不得不溫和而堅定的對她說，在新一天開始的時候，首先應(yīng)該梳洗，吃早餐，然后才能玩耍。不過在刷牙之前你有停下來對小鳥說早安的特權(quán)，但是如有任何異議，這樣的特權(quán)將會被取消。 
8Use single word reminders or questions or state facts, instead of ordering or demanding compliance使用單個詞的提示、提問或陳述事實，而不是命令或服從要求 

I was amazed the first time I noticed how well this works. As usual, my daughter walked out of the bathroom with the lights still on. Normally I would bark “Switch off the light”. She would sometimes follow the instruction, and sometimes she would counter with “You switch off the lights” or a defiant “No!” or worse, just plain ignore me.第一次注意到這個方法如此有用，我感到十分驚訝，像往常一樣，女兒離開衛(wèi)生間總是不關(guān)燈，通常我都會吼著讓她把燈關(guān)掉，有時候他會聽話按照我說的去做，然而有時候她也會以“你去關(guān)燈”的方式來還擊我，或者挑釁的說“不”，更糟糕的是直接忽視我。 
Anyway, that day I just said “l(fā)ights” in a normal, casual tone. And surprise, surprise she said “Oopsie Daisy!”, went back to the bathroom, switched off the lights and returned to playing. I have adopted this with all my heart now – anytime I remember, I just use a single word said in the tone of a friendly reminder, and most of the times, it works. “Door” gets the door shut, “Car” gets her to stop dawdling and get walking towards the car, “Sink” gets her to put her used dishes in the sink and so on.總之，那天我只是用平常、隨意的口氣對她說關(guān)燈的事情，令人驚訝的是她說：“哦，糟糕了！”，然后返回衛(wèi)生間，關(guān)掉燈玩去了。我現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)完全信服這種方法—任何時候我都記得，我只是以友好提醒的方式說了一個詞，但是在絕大部分時間里，都很有效果。比如“門”這個詞的意思就是把門關(guān)上，“車”的意思就是別再磨蹭了，趕快上車，“槽”的意思就是讓她把用過的盤子放到水槽里等等。 
I have also used the question technique, which has worked pretty well so far. Instead of shouting “Go, put your shoes back on the shoe shelf”, a simple question like “Hey, where do we put our shoes?” gets the job done with a lot less resistance.我也采用詢問的技巧，到目前為止效果也是挺好的。一個簡單的疑問如“我們把鞋子放在哪里呢？”，來代替大喊大叫：“去，把你的鞋子放回鞋架上”的方式，這讓事情的順利完成減少了不少阻力。 
Similarly, stating facts helps too. When washing hands, if she is fooling around, I just state “water is wasting” and she is likely to wash her hands faster than criticism like “you are wasting water” or ordering her “wash your hands fast”.同樣，陳述事實也有用。當洗手的時候，如果看到她洗手時正在做不相干的事情，我就會說“水浪費了”，就可能比批評她說“你在浪費水”或者“快點洗手”，讓她洗得更快些。 
9Work together to come up with a mutually-agreeable solution (problem solving)共同提出一個雙方都贊成的解決方案（解決問題） 

In the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, (A book that has had a huge impact on my perspective as a parent, highly recommended!), the authors suggest following these steps for problem solving.這本書《如何說孩子才會聽以及怎么聽孩子才會說》（這本書深深影響了我作為家長的思維方式，強烈推薦?。┳髡咛岢隽私鉀Q問題的以下步驟。 
Step I: Talk about the child’s feelings and needs第一步：談?wù)労⒆拥母惺芎托枨?nbsp;
Step II: Talk about your feelings and needs第二步：談?wù)勀愕母惺芘c需求 
Step III: Brainstorm together to find a mutually agreeable solution第三步：頭腦風暴找出一個相互認可的方案 
Step IV: Write down all ideas — without evaluating第四步：寫下所有的想法——不要評論 
Step V: Decide which suggestions you like, which you don’t like, and which you plan to follow through on第五步：決定哪些建議是你喜歡的，哪些是你不喜歡的，以及哪些是你打算去堅持到底的。 
10Let the child face the consequences讓孩子自己面對后果 

If you are like me, you are all too familiar with imposing a ton of made-up “consequences” that suit your convenience to get your child to do what you wish. For instance, if my daughter does not finish her dinner on time, she does not get to watch TV. When you look into it deeply though, it is not a “natural consequence”… it is just something I made up to get her to comply. Most experts say, it is better not to use these made-up consequences (which are actually punishments in disguise) and to let natural consequences take over, which in this case would be to let her go to bed hungry.如果你也和我一樣，你就會熟悉大量人為強加而產(chǎn)生的后果， 它就是讓孩子按照你的要求去做。比如，我女兒如果沒有按時吃完飯，就不能看電視。然而當你認真觀察的時候，你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)這不是自然產(chǎn)生的結(jié)果，這只是我人為決定的讓她服從的結(jié)果。 大多數(shù)專家說，最好不要利用人為的方式去約束孩子（這實際上是變相懲罰），應(yīng)該讓孩子回歸到自然的狀態(tài)，如果他不按時吃飯就看電視，她就會餓著肚子去睡覺。  
So there you have it – 10 ways you can handle tough situations using positive discipline. Seriously, after reading this, would you ever want to try a traditional, punitive, discipline technique?所以你可以擁有——10種通過正面教育處理困境的方法。說真的，在閱讀之后，你還會想嘗試傳統(tǒng)的、懲罰性的教育技巧嗎？